God how could you?

The battles in life never seem to cease. The mistake I often make, is to think that if I pray a certain way, that things will lay out the way that I requested…or demanded. Then my mind argues with my heart that IF God cared, or IF He truly was able, then He would have laid things out the way I requested. When the children go back to abusive situations I want to cry out, “God how could you?” or when we are visiting doctors after doctors for health reasons I want to cry out, “God why haven’t you?” I had all the faith, I spoke the right things, I shouted and declared and received my promises. It doesn’t matter to my narrow human way of thinking that God sees the full picture or that as much as I don’t understand it, in the worst of situations, that humans have the right to free will.

This past month has been one difficult situation after another, and I honestly wanted for a moment, to let go of this walk with God. I wanted to shut out the presence of God, even the comfort. I wanted no part and began telling myself all the lies that I have had thrown at me over the years. God is not real, the bible is man written, only the weak need to rely on a ‘God’.

The thing is, the more I told myself the lies, the more God reminded me of my testimonies. The more I fought, the more I realized, I cannot and will not ever ignore the miracles that have taken place in my life that are only God. There is no doubt that He is alive and speaks to me, He is continually working in my life.

So where is the peace when these horrible situations still happen? How do I maintain my joy when my heart breaks and  I want to cry out “GOD how could you?”

It hit me, I am  reminded..be still and know He is God! I don’t have to know the answers, I don’t have to know the outcome, I don’t have to expect to understand. I just need to be still and let the peace that surpasses all understanding surround me. And you know what… IT ALWAYS DOES. He heals the broken-hearted and never gives up on anyone.  I like that 🙂

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